5 Ways Facebook Has Improved My Life | Mickey Z.

Photo: Facebook screenshot

Mickey Z. -- World News Trust

July 24, 2018

I’ve never felt happier, more important, or more fulfilled. Thank you, Facebook.

1. I’m in the know

Sure, it took some careful tweaking of my friends list — and a few un-follows — but my news feed now properly reflects just how unique I am. As I scroll, it’s heart-react city! Everyone is talking about the same exact stuff that matters to me! Everyone agrees with me! Therefore, I must be smart, hip, and in the know. #woke

2. Friendship is so much easier now!

The old version of friendship was so damn messy. It regularly involved emotional risk and well, work. Way too much was expected of me. Thanks to Facebook, I get to experience temporary friendship on demand™. Sure, things are more shallow and superficial but look at how much control I now have:

• I can send a message only when I know the other person isn’t online
• When I don’t wanna talk, I can make it look like I didn’t read someone’s reply
• I can disengage any time I want without having someone right there, staring at me
• Emojis! 
• Best of all, if someone annoys me — or heaven forbid, disagrees with me — well… that’s what the un-friend and block functions are for! (see #3)

Hey, when I get bored of a song or a particular food or a clothing style, I discard it for the most minor reasons you can imagine. Why shouldn’t it be the same for “friends”? Life is short! #yolo

3. I’ve gotten so much better at conflict resolution

If someone even mildly disagrees with me, I label it an “attack” and launch my counters:

• Name calling
• Posting links that “prove” my point while ignoring any counter-evidence
• Tag like-minded friends to join in the dogpile
• More name-calling
• Inform my antagonist that they can’t deal with how #woke I am and laugh at how poorly they handle the truth
• Emojis!
• LOTS more name-calling
• Delete and block them
• Vague-book them while secretly checking their page from my burner account

If not for FB, none of these crucial skills would be at my disposal. I am a more versatile and complex human. #LivingMyBestLife

4. It’s made my “activism” way simpler

Prior to FB, I wasted a lot of time making ineffective gestures of social justice warrior-ness. Can you believe I once actually left my house to hold a large piece of cardboard while screaming at strangers? Not anymore. If I desire to virtue signal now, it’s as a simple as a click or a profile pic change or maybe a check-in or share. I can do all this while still in my underwear! After all, if my efforts are nothing but a pathetic, self-serving show, why not streamline things so I can get back to important stuff like stalking former friends and editing a selfie? (lmao)

5. It occupies (and reads) my mind

Hour after hour, I wonder why my posts get so little engagement. I plot my replies to enemies I once believed were friends. I experience a minor musing on the subway and turn it into an epic status. EVERYTHING is a photo op. I ruminate over perceived slights and wisecracks. I plan in advance which memes I’ll post — and in what order. I ponder why some friends are more popular than me. And, all the while, my news feed does what its name implies: It feeds me. It supplies exactly what I need, precisely when I need it. It gets me.

Facebook has empowered me to recognize the full scope of my influence. Thank you, FB. I owe you more than you could ever take from me. Well, almost… (lol). 

Mickey Z. is the founder of Helping Homeless Women - NYC, offering direct relief to women on the streets of New York City. To help him grow this project, CLICK HERE and make a donation right now. And please spread the word!

5 Ways Facebook Has Improved My Life by Mickey Z. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Based on a work at https://worldnewstrust.com/5-ways-facebook-has-improved-my-life.